This is fucking awesome
by ATTHESTROKEOFMIDNIGHT
Summary: Kenny discovers the thrift shop.


**A/N: I recently discovered the song "Thrift shop" by Macklemore, and immediatly though of Kenny. Then I came up with this, no idea what happened.**

* * *

Kenny's poor.

Okay obviously, I mean growing up in an abusive household with junkie parent's inst the best environment for a kid. But no that doesn't mean it always has to be like this, because contrary to his parents he knows how to work hard, make money, and save that shit.

One thing that he had to learn, from a very low age, was how to save his money. There was no way that he would allow himself to crumble into a drug addict redneck. The town already had enough of them. And plus he already had his brief run-in with drugs (sadly at a very young age) and it screwed him up, so now he's drug free McCormick. I mean besides the occasional pot smoking, cigarette, and alcohol…like any normal person, right?

Today he's on a mission.

Kenny McCormick needs some new clothes, and because he's smart, he knows where to go.

The thrift shop.

He breaks into a run escaping a fight that his parents had, and luckily he got Karen out of there (because really, who gave a shit about Kevin? He's a dick). And the whole "thrift shop" thing was her idea. I usually got my clothes as Kevin's overly large hand- me -downs, or Stan and Kyle, or the church.

So when Karen came up to him, not twenty minutes before, asking "Hey Kenny, can he go thrift shopping?" he couldn't resist. He knew it wasn't her first choice, and she even had some money that he had given her for some small luxuries. But if that's what she wanted, then that's where they would go. He loved her, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for her. Fuck, he'd die for her. Oh wait, he has before. But never mind that.

Now they run down the street, hand in hand. He tries to distract her from the situation with their parents by talking about whatever nonsense he's able to spew, or singing or whatever…, uh 'cuz he really likes to sing, like a lot. Few people knew this about him, but that was partially his fault, being too afraid to try out for South Park highs plays, and nobody bothered to ask what he liked to do, not even Stan and Kyle. He was the notorious school slut. No questions asked, no "Well maybe he isn't". Nope. And the worst part was that it wasn't even true.

* * *

"Thanks for bringing me here Kenny" she looked up at him smiling, but he could see sadness in her eyes.

He pulled her close to him in a soft embrace and smiled down at her "no problem Kare-bear".

She's thrirteen, wow, seven seemed like just yesterday.

"Let's go in" I smiled at her, slowing pace as we entered goodwill.

It was time to shop.

And fuck, this is great, every things so god damn cheap. I can't imagine spending more than eight dollars on a shirt, and everything here is barely six, some things for 99 ¢. I mean paying more than that's just getting swindled by a business.

_I'm gonna pop some tags_

_Only got twenty dollars in my pocket_

_I - I - I'm hunting, looking for a come-up_

_This is fucking awesome_

One mans trash is another mans treasure, right?

* * *

"Knock- knock"

I groggily raised my head and scowled.

"What the fuck Kenny, how did you get in my house?" Kenny was in my bedroom, what-even?

"Your darling mother let me in" he smirked at me clad in a leopard mink and some green gator shoes with pink pants and shirt.

"Shut up"

"I climbed through your window, and before you say anything, being a smart ass is my nature" He laughed a bit.

"Not cool Kenny" I sat up trying to regain some sort of composure.

"Come on man, get out of your fuss, and put some clothes on...except that green yushiki, were going out"

"Ushanka...and what?"

"I said were going out, do i need to say it in Hebrew?"

I had heard him, I just couldn't believe how ridiculously stupid he was being.

"Arhgh, its nine thirty at night!"

"Whatever, its Friday so hurry up" he paused seeming to forget something.

"Oh yeah, Stan's down stairs so get a move on it Jew fro" He grinned and then jumped put my window, what an idiot. But stan was their so why the hell not.

I sat up, slowly, and got dressed not realizing that i threw on a black shirt with a blue bunny on it and some black slacks and a blue pea coat. No matter, as soon as I threw my phone in my pocket and jumped out of my window I saw what the others were wearing.

And I think i fell over with laughter.

Craig, for whatever reason he was here, was wearing a onesie.

And not just any onesie, It was mint green. Cartman was wearing a Velour jumpsuit and some house slippers, and Stan was wearing a brown leather jacket and fringe moccasins. I think he might have been worse, well except me.

I had Velcro shoes on. Its all bad.

Oh and i almost forgot, Tweek. He's in a flannel zebra pajamas.

What a crew

I thought things couldn't get any worse until Kenny decided to inform us on why he gathered us here.

But they did.

* * *

"Come on guys, were going to the club!" he shouted like a crazy man as we walked down the street.

"Your fucking retarded McCormick" I said flatly.

"Do you have anything better to do?" he said smugly eying Tweek.

"Yes actually!" I shot back. "I **was** in the middle of fuh.."

"Exactly so come on" he said cutting me off. Bastard.

Tweek gripped my hand tighter.

" Kenny what the hell, I agree with Craig!" Kyle said rather loudly.

"Coooommmmeee onnn guyyys" he said making a puppy dog face, and clasping his hands together.

"Dude shut the fuck up, you know were going, were just gonna give you shit about it" Stan said matter of factly.

" Yeah, Kenny, don't get your poor undies in a bunch" Cartman laughed to himself.

No one else thought it was funny.

Any ways as the night went on Kenny had another surprise for us, apparently we weren't just going to the club, but we were night-biking there. Butters being the supplier of bikes because none of us had any, and our destination was quite far. Everything these guys do leads to trouble, but I'm board so what the hell.

And where the fuck did butters seven bikes.

Fucking weird, but whatever.

And so we approach this "club".

That's when things turn really stupid, and I'm not exaggerating one bit when I say this.

Because when we got to the doors, showing them out fake id's Kenny told us to stay back for a moment.

I knew he was going to make an ass of himself, and frankly I didn't care. But what I didn't know was how bad it would be.

* * *

I pushed the doors open, bright lights, hot chicks, hot guys, and the air thick with sweat. Everyone here was to wasted to notice our swag out fits, hahah, I mean our goof clothes, but I feel pretty cool, even though we look like a janky motley crew.

_ Walk up to the club like, "What up, I got a big cock!"_

_Nah, I'm just pumped about some shit from the thrift shop_

_Ice on the fringe, it's so damn frosty_

_That people like, "Damn! That's a cold ass honkey."_

Butters followed behind me, wearing a grungy version of an old man sweater and shoes, still looking adorable.

"Stop that" I told him softly.

"Wh...what?" he stuttered softly.

"Mashing your knuckles hun, ya need to loosen up!" I beamed at him, he smiled sheepishly back.

I already got ladies flocking round me, I took a hit of something, because hey! I'm just looking for a come up.

We all dance crazily, and majority gets wasted...even Craig and Kyle and Tweek. I mean fuck. Tweek even stopped shaking long enough to suck face with Craig, who was obviously taken off guard. Everybody knew he had a thing for him, he's just too much of a dick to say anything.

The night goes by in a neon blur of awesome.

And...

I think I kissed butters.

_I'm gonna pop some tags_

_Only got twenty dollars in my pocket_

_I - I - I'm hunting, looking for a come-up_

_This is fucking awesome_


End file.
